Pride and Passion Read online

  “Do you like the changes?” There was a pensive gleam to his eyes, an anxiety in his tone she never would have imagined him capable of if she hadn’t witnessed it.

  Lily raised one shoulder. “I’m used to my bedroom the way it is, but you do have a point. It was fine for me because Emmaline slept upstairs when I was younger, but without a nanny it could be quite the hassle.”

  “Yes. You’d wind up staying upstairs with the baby and I’d be alone.”

  Lily opened her mouth in shock, taken aback as Jake covered her mouth with his own. The gentleness of his lips on hers was an equal surprise. She didn’t mind a bit that he’d done it in front of Mikayla, but she worried about what his grandmother might think. The restraint in the kiss made her want to deepen it and relieve the hostility between them, but she didn’t dare for more reasons than she could count.

  Still reeling from the kiss, she barely noticed what the others gave or received. Thalia’s gift of a bracelet linked with gold Plumeria blossoms touched her heart, and would always help her remember Hawaii. Jake gave her earrings that matched the diamond necklace.

  Guests began to arrive before she got her head together. Thalia kept her close, introducing her to more people than she’d ever be able to remember. The Christmas gathering became a celebration of the engagement that wasn’t real, and if she hadn’t been so busy she might have rued the bittersweet event. As it was, the activity was just the cure for her emotional day. She was too busy trying to make conversation and remember how the families fit together to worry about how she felt about missing her parents, Jake’s kiss or how life would change when she went home.

  Her feet were aching by the time she felt Jake’s hand on her arm, propelling her to the secluded lanai. Lily was thankful for the fresh air and the chance to sit in quiet for a moment. Jake’s intent stare made her nervous, so she didn’t want to indulge for too long.

  “We should get back inside. People will wonder what happened to us.” She watched him warily as he sat down beside her.

  “No, they won’t. We just announced our engagement, disappearing together is par for the course.” The grin on his face aroused old fears and insecurities. She’d thought him too angry to continue pursuing her, but his actions tonight seemed more genuine than forced. Really, she’d never know where she stood with him until they were miles apart.

  “The engagement is to make Thalia happy, so we should go in and do that.” Lily tried to get up, but he stopped her with a hand on her thigh.

  “I’m having a hard time with it. I need another minute.”

  Maybe he didn’t lie as smoothly as she thought. “We can tell her the truth after they all leave if it’s bothering you. That way it will be in person.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Not that. I don’t like the way men look at you. I honestly thought a ring on your finger would help.”

  “You did?” Her voice rose in surprise.

  “I know men aren’t always the most scrupulous, but yes, I thought it would get rid of this feeling.” He rolled his shoulders and stretched his long legs in front of him, as if he could release his discomfort like a tight muscle.

  “What feeling is that?” Lily asked, truly confused now.

  “Like I need to put myself between you and every other man in the room to keep you from leaving with one of them.” His voice was gruff, as if he were disgusted with himself.

  “It’s probably your own guilt you’re feeling.” Lily picked at the pleats of her dress.

  “I don’t have anything to feel guilty for.”

  “Your conscience seems to think otherwise.” She smiled, hoping she didn’t sound chastising. She understood now why he’d never be able to put all his faith in one person, but that didn’t mean she approved. “I don’t want to fight about this today. Christmas is a holiday and I think we should take a break from bickering as well.”

  “Agreed.” Jake smoothed his hand along her temple and around the back of her head.

  Her instinct was to pull away, but her side-swept hair was only held in place by two combs. She’d have to walk back through the house disheveled if he undid it, and since that was probably what he wanted she stayed still.

  “I’m going to be very rude, and you’re going to have to get over it.”

  “Am I really?”

  He cleared his throat. “How did you afford Christmas gifts?”

  She blinked at his bluntness and squared her shoulders. “I have a job. I didn’t steal them if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  He loomed over her in the moonlight, his shadow covering her completely. “Of course you didn’t. But you haven’t paid your tuition completely and they’re holding your diploma until you do. I paid you exactly enough to cover it. I expected you to use the credit card I gave you for everything else.”

  “You have no right to be looking into my account with the university.” She tried to bat away the hand that held her, but he caught her attempt with his free one.

  “You earned that degree and I’m not going to let something as trivial as money stand in the way of it.”

  “I have it taken care of.”

  “How?” His direct gaze showed her neither of them was moving until he got his answer.

  “I’m going to sell some of my jewelry to pay it off. I don’t need all of it, so downsizing is in order anyway. I should get enough to pay tuition and get an apartment.”

  He shook his head. “Will you at least sell it to me?”

  “So you can give it back to me? No.”

  “You would put off getting a diploma it took you years to earn just so you could buy Christmas gifts for me and my grandmother.” His fingers splayed over the back of her neck, lulling her into a trance. “Your entire body responds at the smallest touch from me. And yet you swear you don’t like me at all.”

  She swallowed hard, remembering how it tore her up to know she’d hurt him. She didn’t want to do it again. “It’s not that. There are moments where I see why you think we’d work out so well together, but I know better. I can’t tolerate the way you live your life.”

  “Which part? Working, traveling—”

  “The other women, Jake. You know that. There’s no point teasing me about it.”

  “So we do have something to negotiate?”

  She shot him a cold look. “This isn’t a business deal. I won’t budge on what I need. I understand why you can’t either. It’s an impasse.”

  “I don’t know what you think you understand, but I know what I want and there is nothing I won’t do to get it.”

  He brought her to him in a kiss so fiery and passionate she didn’t even want to pull away. Still, it had that underlying gentleness that was her complete undoing. Her hands moved of their own volition, first to his cheeks, then to the collar of his shirt.

  “Oh no, I didn’t think I’d interrupt you.” Mikayla’s barefaced lie had Lily clinging to the fabric of Jake’s shirt. “Joe Akana wants to settle on the time he’s flying you to Niihau tomorrow. Are you really going to buy land there?”

  To his credit, Jake didn’t look up at the other woman. “Tell Joe I’ll be inside in a minute.”

  Lily stared up at Jake, relaxing her hands as she heard Mikayla’s retreating footsteps. “I’m trying not to hate her.”

  “Next time we come it will be easier.”

  “Jake, there won’t be—”

  He silenced her with a finger to her lips. “I don’t want to get into it here. When we’re back home we’ll discuss everything.”

  Lily let her shoulders droop in defeat as he returned to the house. She loved him completely. It was going to be the greatest struggle of her life not to compromise and let him have things his way.

  Chapter Eleven

  A balmy breeze wafted up the hill, carrying with it the rustle of leaves and the eternal song of the ocean waves. The heady scent of plumeria perfumed the entire veranda. Lily leaned back on the chaise enjoying the heat of the day.

  Soon enough she’d b
e back home, wondering if the day would bring rain, snow or a mixture of both. Until recently she’d never considered living anywhere else, but somewhere warm would be a plus. Maybe it would distract her from the lost feeling she had whenever Jake was gone. Even now, relaxing in paradise, she wished she’d have found some reason to go with him.

  With a sigh, Lily began to wonder if when it came down to it she’d actually be able to move on. She knew she’d never marry him, but she couldn’t actually see herself leaving him either. She tried to read the book she’d carried outside after lunch, but tiny yellow birds hopping from one feathered fern to the next were far more interesting.

  A glass shattered inside the house, catching her attention. Lily rose and walked inside. Thalia sat in a cane chair, clutching her chest, her face pale. Lily rushed to her, careful of the shards beneath her feet. Mikayla raced into the room with a glass of water in one hand and two bottles of pills in the other as Lily reached the older woman.

  Confused by the situation, Lily could only watch as Thalia struggled to gulp down one pill and then hold another beneath her tongue. She held Thalia’s hand, her gaze bouncing between the two women. Neither of them looked at her, they were both mesmerized by the television. Lily tried to see what caught their attention on the midday news, but the weather couldn’t have caused this kind of reaction.

  “Do we need to call someone?” Lily asked, wondering what kind of attack Thalia was having.

  “Don Kalama,” Thalia got out on a whisper. “He’ll know who to call. Maybe he’ll even go looking.”

  Lily knit her brows, more baffled than ever. “Who is—”

  “Sshh!” Thalia held up her hand as the news anchor appeared on the screen again.

  The words Lily heard sent an icy chill down her spine. Helicopter crash. Into the ocean. Four missing. Pilot Joe Akana radioed a hydraulic problem.

  Her body tensed and froze at the familiar name. The man she’d seen talking with Jake last night. About flight arrangements. She forced herself to breathe, wanting nothing more than to run into the ocean herself.

  “If you’ll stay with her, I’ll call Don.”

  Lily blinked to awareness, nodding at Mikayla. It wasn’t as if she could go anywhere, the older woman’s grip on her hand had tightened like a vice. Her pursed lips had gone white, making Lily doubly nervous.

  “We need to stay calm, Thalia. Until we know something, we can’t think the worst.” Lily was glad for the numbness taking over her body, it almost made her voice steady. “He’s a very strong swimmer. I once watched him swim laps for almost an hour.”

  Thalia’s face softened. “I’m glad he found you, Lily. He so deserved to be happy.” She tried to say more, but emotions overran her and she began to cry. It was all Lily could manage not to join her.

  “Don’s going to make some calls and get back to us.” Mikayla came into the room and placed a hand on Thalia’s shoulder. “You need to lie down. I called Dr. Ferber and he’ll be by within the hour.”

  Thalia merely nodded, allowing the nurse to help her out of the room. Lily was thankful for the broken glass. It gave her something to do with her body while her mind reeled. Jake was a strong swimmer, her covert appreciation of him had taught her that. But swimming out from a helicopter crash was entirely different than laps in the pool at the house.

  She sank onto the couch after cleaning up, pulling her knees to her chest as she stared at the television. The newscast had ended, a daytime game show was trying to spread happiness in a house where there was none.

  She should have gone with him. If he could make a case for her tagging along to sites in the snow, she could have talked him into it. But she’d wanted to avoid him, wanted to keep him thinking she wasn’t consumed with love for him, wanted to get away from the powerful pull that had her dreaming about marrying a man with an inscrutable view of marriage vows.

  Bitter tears tracked down her cheeks as she gave in to the emotions swirling around her. She’d lost him too. Losing her mother before she got a chance to know her always had Lily feeling alone. Her father’s death was still a fresh wound, one Jake had done so much to help heal. Losing him as well was too much to bear. With her mother she’d been too young to realize what was happening, her father’s illness had given them time to say goodbye, but this?

  How could she ever forgive herself for not letting him know how she felt? Anger blazed within at her own stubbornness. With the life Jake had lived, how could she have added to the list of people who withheld their affection and approval from him? It made her as bad as his parents and more ashamed of herself then she’d ever been.

  She covered her face with her hands, the engagement ring rubbing against her cheek. She looked down at the ring, glad she’d done at least that much for him.

  Lily sat frozen on the couch, numb as the local channel ran through their daytime schedule with little news of the accident. She regained her composure as people came to the house. The doctor even brought her a bottle of pills to help her sleep, but she didn’t want to dream so she didn’t dare try them.

  Each time she heard a slamming car door from outside she cringed they might finally bring the news she feared. By nightfall they’d gotten word three of the passengers had been rescued and were recovering at the hospital. Since they hadn’t been informed Jake was among them, Lily was grateful his grandmother had been given a sedative. She knew she’d have to, but she wasn’t sure how she’d break the news to Thalia. It was one thing to have to think of life without him, quite another to give voice to such drive and vitality being snuffed out for no reason at all.

  “Lily, I’m going to go to bed. Is there anything you need before I turn in?” Mikayla’s sympathetic smile had little effect.

  Lily shook her head. “Will Thalia be all right?”

  “For the night. The doctor will be back in the morning. You will stay, won’t you?”

  “Of course.” It was the least she could do for a man who’d done so much for her.

  She sat for a few more minutes, her mind starting to work through a list of all the people she’d need to call tomorrow with the news. She didn’t want to go there yet, didn’t want to make it true when it still felt unreal. She wandered outside and looked up at the night sky. The moon glowed big and ripe, stars twinkling in a sky so soft it looked like velvet.

  Geckos chirped and the sound of the surf was louder now that night had taken over for the busy day. Headlights turned up the drive and her stomach tensed again. She realized how much she’d appreciated Mikayla’s detached interference throughout the day. Now it was solely up to her to get whatever details were to be provided and relay them to Thalia in the morning.

  The car slowed and Lily’s heart skipped a beat as she caught sight of the passenger. Her feet froze in disbelief for a moment, but she decided if she had fallen asleep and started to dream she was going to live this one out fully.

  She broke out into a run as the car door opened, her mind seeing nothing but Jake as he climbed out and stared at her. He looked just as he had this morning at breakfast, as if a day of panic hadn’t touched him at all.

  She launched herself into his arms when she was close enough, squeezing him until she knew he wasn’t in her imagination. His scent of sun and soap filled her lungs, giving her the first taste of calm she’d had in hours. In that moment of reprieve, her vow not to let herself become undone by him shattered. She was his to do with what he would, for all the moments time allowed them.

  “Thanks, Don.” Jake’s voice vibrated through her, but she couldn’t let go. Not yet. The car drove away and yet they stayed rooted on the grassy drive.

  “I was so afraid,” she whispered against his chest. “When I saw the car I thought they’d found you and I’d have to tell her.”

  His posture straightened, tension palpable within him. “Thalia is a strong woman, and Mikayla can take very good care of her.”

  Lily eased her grip just enough to be able to look up at him. “What happened to you?”


  “Joe dropped me off on Niihau. He got into some trouble on the way back, but Don says they’ll all be fine.”

  “You weren’t on the helicopter when it crashed?”

  He shook his head. “I didn’t know there’d been a crash until Don landed on the island. I thought it was best to come straight home rather than phoning first. Is Thalia still awake?”

  “She should be out until morning. Mikayla had a doctor come and check her and they gave her a sedative.”

  He nodded. “Okay. You should get some rest.”

  “I can’t.” She held him tighter, hating the trembling need in her voice. “I thought you were gone and I was truly alone this time.”

  “None of that now. I’m here.” He took her face in his hands, wiping away tears she hadn’t known she’d shed with his thumbs. “You’d be fine on your own. Maybe better even. You’d get the house.”

  “I don’t want the house.” She choked on a sob and buried her face in his chest again to try and hide.

  Jake gathered her close, resting his head on her hair while she calmed down again. “If I’d known what was going on, I would have gotten word to you. This holiday was supposed to be peaceful and I’ve managed to throw both you and my grandmother into a panic.”

  “It’s not your fault. Besides, we’ll be fine now.” She took a deep breath and wiped her face.

  He hesitated, measuring her for a moment. “Have you eaten anything today?”

  She couldn’t help the smile that came to her face. “I’m not going to faint, I promise. But you must be hungry, all day on that island.”

  “It’s not deserted, just not open to the public. Hawaiian hospitality is wonderful, especially when they need your money. They want to have a few helicopters of their own, and the privacy would be unparalleled.”

  Panic seized her anew. “I don’t want you in a helicopter for a while, okay?”

  “I took one back.” He grinned down at her. “You best be careful, Angel. I’m tempted to think there’s a reason why you’re so shaken.”