Just Married (More than Friends) Read online

  “You can’t fix this legally.”

  He had to. “If I can divide things equally—”

  “Cal. Listen to me. Really hear me. You want your boys to love each other? Love them. Show them how. That’s what was missing, for your father, your uncle, you. Don’t try to outsmart this. You want their life to be different, be there, pay attention. When you see them getting competitive, redirect it. It’s a lot more work, but the results are worth it.”

  “I don’t know a damned thing about children. I know about business.”

  “Children are amazing teachers. I’m a completely different person for having my girls. Maybe you and Miranda will get lucky again and have a girl next time. It’s an experience not to be missed.”

  “No next time. A daughter inherits nothing.” He tried to rub the tension from his forehead. “Can you imagine? The eldest would be responsible for his twin and his sister, and they’d hate him for it.”

  “Well, I suppose if the kid is only worth his earning potential, I’d have no use for him either.” Mickey sighed. “Poor Miranda.”

  He nodded. “She threatened to have the babies in Seattle and never reveal which is older.”

  He chuckled. “That’s a solution I hadn’t thought of. Wonder how the courts would handle that one.”

  “No doubt she’d have a solution to that too.”

  “She would. Speaking of your bride, do you know what her plans are for after the boys are born? She’s a brilliant attorney. I know she turned down my offer the first time, but we’d love to have her at the firm.”

  Cal blinked. He’d forgotten all about asking Mickey to give her a job after law school. “She didn’t turn it down. I never gave it to her. She was excited about getting on with her firm and I couldn’t compete with that.”

  “So instead of risking rejection, you didn’t even make the offer?”

  He shrugged. “She had a job in Seattle. Our friends are there.”

  “And you were here, in the town she grew up in.”

  “That’s old news. We need to focus on—”

  “But don’t you see? It’s the same thing.”

  “No, this time I asked her to come to New York. She refused.”

  “Wait, you’re going to Seattle?” Mickey let out a low whistle. “That’s going to cost Kerr Industries a fortune to relocate.”

  “She doesn’t want me in Seattle. She doesn’t want me at all.” A frozen fist reached through his chest and squeezed his heart and he wanted to rewind time and steal the admission back. He stared at Mickey, hating the pity he saw in his gaze. “Listen, the babies changed everything. When we got married our lives were set. We were both focused on our careers and could travel or socialize whenever we had the urge. Now, I don’t really fit into her life anymore.”

  “You need to talk to your wife.” Mickey crossed his arms over his chest. “And listen to what she’s saying. Because this doesn’t make sense.”

  “I can’t convince her that I want children when I never have. Even though I’m trying to do the right thing, it’s not enough. She doesn’t need anything financially, so she’s convinced it’s best for everyone to do this on her own in Seattle. She wants to be with her friends because they can support her better than I can. And she has a point. I’m hardly father material. ”

  “Well son, if that’s actually what she said, I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.” His phone buzzed and he dug it out of his pocket.

  “You have more to offer those boys than financial security. We’ll do what we can to mitigate the costs of moving to Seattle.”

  “I’m staying here.” He wasn’t going to uproot thousands of people just so he could feel like a failure every day for the rest of their lives. No thank you. He got the message loud and clear. He checked the display on his phone, noting three missed calls from Mira and an urgent text from Bert. Odd.

  “What is it?” Mickey asked.

  He held up a finger and pressed his phone to his ear while it connected. Bert answered on the first ring.

  “Don’t panic.”

  He stood and his pulse leaped. He pressed his chest, his heart threatening to beat through his ribs. “Is she okay?”

  “You have to answer your phone when she calls. When they’re pregnant, you answer every call.”

  Add it to the list of things he didn’t even know to do. “What’s going on? Is she okay?”

  “Helen’s with her at the hospital.”

  “The hospital?” Nausea swirled, warring with his thundering pulse and throbbing head for attention. Images flashed in his mind—Mira smiling with a hand on her belly as she stared out at the Sound, the grainy ultrasound pictures that barely looked like babies, the rocking chair upstairs in her room. “What happened?”

  “They were at yoga–”

  “Goddamn it.” He could see it, her falling from one of those twisted poses she did.

  “Cal, listen, okay? Deep breaths, buddy. This is why I’m giving you the heads-up. We don’t know what’s wrong, only that she started having pains that wouldn’t go away, so her doctor wanted her to go to the hospital. Which, I’m not going to lie, isn’t great news.”

  He cursed and sank back into the chair. He wanted to run. He wanted to hide in the closet. Anything to get away from this helpless feeling. He should have been there, should have protected her, protected the boys.

  “It could be nothing, or it could be something. We’ll know more soon. But you’re hours away, so I thought you should know.”

  “I’ll call her right now.” She had to answer, had to be all right. He didn’t want a world without Mira in it. He couldn’t survive it.

  “Hold on. One more thing. If this isn’t okay, which I’m sure everything is fine, but if not, be careful with her. Trust me, it’s better to say nothing than say the wrong thing.”

  “You think she, that the babies—” He couldn’t say it. His stomach heaved and he lurched forward. Mira. If anything happened to the boys, it would break her. She would shatter and he’d never get her back whole. He’d be too broken to fix her. Blood roared through his heart, pounding at his temples.

  “Breathe, man. I’m just saying to be careful. I’ll keep you posted. You going to be all right?”

  “Yeah, sure.” Except he wouldn’t be, not until he knew Mira and the boys were fine. He ended the call and looked up at his godfather, clear on what he wanted for the first time in forever.

  15

  “You don’t have to stay. I’ve taken enough of your time.” Embarrassment heated Mira’s cheeks anew as Helen closed the door to her apartment.

  “Bert put the boys to sleep hours ago. I’m in no hurry. I can even sleep over if you want.” Helen smiled, but her eyes were tired and she was still in the yoga clothes from their workout.

  “I’m fine, remember? The only thing wrong with me is that I can’t tell stretching ligaments from a labor pain. And I have no pain tolerance for it. Which does not bode well for delivery.” She settled on the couch and pulled a pillow across her lap. Her belly hurt, more so when she moved.

  “It’s better to be safe than sorry. I’m glad we had it checked out.” Helen slipped beside her and rubbed her leg.

  “I practically had a panic attack in class, and then freaked out the entire drive to the hospital. I’m not sure I can ever go back to yoga.”

  “Well, you can’t go back until the pain eases up, but after that I think you should step down into the prenatal class like your doctor suggested.”

  She nodded, rationalization not making it any less mortifying. “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t with me.”

  “You would have handled it. We all have these crazy moments in our pregnancies. I peed myself once at the opera.”

  Laughter bubbled up, releasing some of the tension that had weighed heavy on her since the first twinge of pain. “I’m not looking forward to that part.”

  “It could happen sooner than you think. Two babies means twice the weight on your bla
dder. You could be leaking before you know it.”

  “Let’s hope not. But really, thank you for staying with me.”

  “Hon, whatever you need. Unless you need me to call Cal, because I don’t deal with other women’s husbands. Even when I’m friends with them too.”

  She groaned. “What am I supposed to tell him? Guess what? I thought the babies were going to fall out of me today. How was your day, dear? Too busy to answer your damned phone?”

  “Mira, you’ve got to give him the benefit of the doubt. He has called.”

  “I know. I just don’t know what to say. I’m mad he didn’t answer, and he’s going to say it’s because I’m here and he’s in New York, but it doesn’t matter where we are geographically. We’re worlds apart with this.”

  “And yet, you’re having two kids with him.” Helen propped her elbow on the back of the couch and leaned her head in her hand. “You married him, the boys didn’t.”

  “I know. But if I’d been in New York when this happened, I would have been in that hospital alone.”

  “You don’t know that. He might have been right there with you.”

  “He didn’t call back until we’d been in the hospital for over an hour.”

  “And then you wouldn’t answer your phone.”

  “I was pissed and in pain.” She squeezed the pillow tighter.

  “Hurt in more ways than one. I get it.” Helen squeezed her knee and then released it. “He can’t prove himself if you don’t give him the chance.”

  “I don’t need him to prove himself. I need to be more self-reliant.”

  Helen laughed. “Honey, you’re going to have two babies. You don’t have the luxury of being self-reliant. You can’t change two diapers at once. I know you like to be the helper, not the helpee, but you’re going to have to get over yourself.”

  “If you’re trying to make me feel better, you’re failing.”

  “I can’t help your stretching ligaments. I’m just trying to help you find a way to be happy. Because right now, you want it both ways. You want Cal to let you have your freedom, but to take care of you. And that’s not fair to my friend. Either of them.”

  Mira nodded, though she didn’t agree. Cal didn’t want to be the kind of partner she needed. And she didn’t want to be the kind of woman to make him do things he didn’t want to do. Because that was the fastest way to lose him completely, and forever. She wouldn’t let their relationship sour to one of duty and resentment. She wanted the boys to see him like she did, to never know children weren’t on his agenda. And while it hurt now, she knew in the long run this was the only thing she could do to hold on to the real Cal, and not be left with the shell the rest of the world saw.

  Cal leaned his head on the door and knocked, exhaustion gnawing at his bones. He checked his watch as he waited, not sure where in the world it was five in the morning. When was the last time he reset the thing? His bag fell from his shoulder, banging his leg before it hit the floor. He really ought to care about breaking another laptop, but he didn’t have the energy.

  The door fell open and he straightened just in time to keep himself from tumbling forward. Mira stared up at him, mussed and sleepy and whole. Thank heaven.

  “What in the world?” She winced and pressed a hand to her belly as she stepped back.

  Suddenly alert, his pulse kicked up. “Are you still in pain? Should we go back to the hospital?”

  “I’m okay. Just a wuss, apparently.” She pushed her long, dark hair off her face. “I texted you that everything was fine.”

  He pushed the bag inside with his foot and closed the door behind him. “Got that somewhere over Ohio.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t call so that you would fly out here. I was just scared. It’s nothing, really, perfectly normal according to Dr. Lambert. I only went to the hospital because she was on call and it was easier to monitor me there. It was only an ‘emergency’ in my mind.”

  The way she air-quoted emergency brought him his first smile in ages. He toed off his shoes and noticed her condo was back to the usual clutter-free level of organization he’d come to admire. He kicked his shoes toward his bag and then reached for her. He pulled her to him, one arm across her shoulders, the other holding her head to his chest, his fingers slipping in her silken hair. He closed his heavy eyes and let out a breath deeper than he’d been able to breathe in the last seven hours.

  This was what he needed, what he’d been craving, for forever really. He wouldn’t go without it, not ever again. He squeezed her tighter, then released her just enough to look at her face.

  “Can we go to bed now?”

  Her big brown eyes widened. “I’m not sure—”

  “Sleep, Mira. I’m not asking for sex.” He ought to make note of it. He’d probably never be this close to her and not have sex on his mind ever again. He sighed and blinked, his eyelids had turned to sandpaper. “I haven’t had more than two hours of sleep in a row since I found out you were pregnant. And today when Bert told me you were in the hospital everything that I had left gathered to get me here. And you’re fine, and the boys are fine, and I’m wrecked.”

  “Okay. Sure.” Her hand stayed on her belly as she turned and walked down the short hallway.

  He wanted to ask if she kept a hand on her stomach because she was still in pain, or if it was just a way to feel close to the boys. But he didn’t have the words, so he followed her to the bedroom, where the mess had come to hide. Not that he cared. He just needed some quality time with the mattress. He took off his shirt and shucked his pants atop the overstuffed chair piled high with magazines and books.

  “I’m not the easiest to sleep with. If you want, I can take the couch.”

  “Mira, stop talking. Please, just lie down.” He all but fell onto the bed, every movement like he was underwater.

  “I’m having a hard time getting comfortable tonight. If you’re tired—”

  “Exhausted.” He rolled to his side and pushed his legs under the rumpled sheets. He reached out a hand for her and she took it, slipping into bed beside him. With every breath he let out, layers of tension began to erode away. She turned her back to him, so he pulled her close. She stiffened and let out a little mew of pain.

  “Did I do that?” He froze, his gut twisting. He had to stop hurting her.

  “Sorry, it’s not you. It happens when I move too quickly.”

  He curled behind her, splaying his hand across her hard belly. “Here?”

  She placed her hand over his. “It’s ligaments that are stretching as the boys get bigger. It feels like I’m being stabbed.”

  “We’re all sorry.” He tucked her hand beneath his own and slipped his knee between hers. “Thank you for putting up with us.”

  “Dr. Lambert said it will ease up. I’m just sore from it. This actually helps.”

  “What?” He nestled deeper into the pillow, breathing in that sweet rose scent she wore.

  “Your hand is warm. I thought about getting a heating pad, but I don’t want to cook the boys.” She wiggled against him. “Cal?”

  “Yes. Whatever you want, yes.”

  “You’re hard.” She let out a giggle that had him smiling, even with so little of his brain still working.

  “Your ass is amazing. It’s just a physical response. I am too tired to do anything about it.” He tightened his hold, releasing the rest of the tension that had been gnawing at him for weeks.

  “Do you want me to?”

  “Doll, please. I needed to know that you were okay, that the boys were safe, and sleep. In that order. If I promise to love you senseless in the morning can we just sleep?”

  “I’m not sure I can. And I’m starting to look pregnant.”

  He kissed her temple. “I love you, but will you please shut the fuck up.”

  She quieted beside him, but didn’t sleep. He knew he should ask why, try to get her to relax, but he couldn’t. Slumber took him hard, and he couldn’t help but go along.

  “Shit,�
�� Helen whispered in the bedroom doorway. She clutched a giant pillow in one hand and a bag from a maternity store in the other.

  Mira smiled at her friend and held a finger to her lips. She’d laid still for hours, drifting in and out of sleep, his “I love you” echoing in her mind. He’d never said it before, and even though he tossed it at her like it was nothing, the words had teased her ever since. She peeled away from Cal, trying not to wake him.

  “Where are you going?” He spoke more to the pillow than to her.

  “Go back to sleep.”

  He complied without argument. She closed the door behind her and joined Helen on the couch.

  “I never would have come in your bedroom if I’d known he was here.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” She rubbed the spot that had been bothering her, relieved to find only a mild soreness remained.

  “I brought you a body pillow to help you sleep, and a belly band.”

  “A belly band?” She peeked into the bag and took out the box that promised the ultimate in maternity support.

  “This is the part of pregnancy only your girlfriends will tell you. Sleeping becomes a challenge as your parasites get bigger.”

  She shuddered. “Don’t call them that.”

  “Fine, but they are. And the belly band should help with the round ligament pain, which according to the Internet, is worse in multiple pregnancies because the uterus gets heavier faster.”

  “You’re just saying that to scare me.” The belly band did not look sexy at all. It wouldn’t matter once Cal went back to New York, which would be sooner rather than later. He probably had meetings on Monday, same as her.

  “I’m bringing it to help you. I don’t want you to be at work and have the pain get that bad again.”

  “Thanks. I still haven’t told them.”

  “You’re going to have to. You’re starting to show.”

  He shoulders slumped. “I thought I was hiding it.”

  “I spent yesterday staring at monitors on your belly, remember? You were just so damned skinny to begin with, people probably just think you started eating too much pizza.”