Caribbean Christmas Read online

  She’d wanted to concentrate on her father, get his advice on how to maintain her integrity and run a business. Plus, she didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the bond between her father and Johannes. He spoke with such adoration and respect it was obvious her father loved him as a son. While it hurt like hell to know he’d directed that energy elsewhere, he couldn’t have chosen a better man.

  But now, as Johannes entered the house, she wasn’t sure how to react. She wanted to throw her arms around him and not let go, but she’d have to. Her ferry left this afternoon, and she’d be sleeping in her own bed tonight.

  Johannes and Dutch would stay here, together. And maintaining their relationship was more important than her selfish desires.

  She held on to the back of the white sofa and smiled at him, so caught up in it she startled when Harm approached and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her off her feet and whispering through clenched teeth. “I have to hug you, brat. If I don’t, he can’t. But so help me, if you hurt either one of them, I’ll find a way to make you sorry.”

  The nervous laugh escaped her as he set her down and she looked up at his dark eyes. He’d always reminded her of a pirate with his haunted features and menacing demeanor. But his loyalty to the men she loved redeemed him a little.

  Loved. Oh God, she loved him. She did. And as Johannes stepped in with a smile and a one-armed hug appropriate for a friend, she nearly broke in two. It took all her strength not to pull him close to her and tell him.

  He wanted her to come back, but did he want more than that? She didn’t know, and she didn’t want to risk his relationship with her father until she did.

  “I hope you’re hungry, boys. My girl has made us a feast.” He led them all to the dining room and took his seat at the head of the table.

  “You did some redecorating in here.” Harm crossed his arms over his broad chest, his dark hair falling over one eye. “Why is there a wheel on the wall?”

  She knew he couldn’t be nice for long. “I wanted to make the house seem more personal, so I brought up some stuff from the shop. A ship’s wheel is beautiful, and fitting for the home of a sailor, don’t you think? Better than the generic print Dad said a designer put up there.”

  Harm shook his head and was about to say something when Johannes spoke.

  “It’s Lola’s original wheel. I like it there.”

  Saskia put a hand to her chest, realizing her mistake. “Oh, is that okay? It was just lying around at the shop. I didn’t think it would belong to anyone else.”

  Harm snorted and plopped down in a chair, still shaking his head.

  Johannes gripped the back of a dining chair, sadness ghosting over his features. “It’s fine, Saskia. Do you need any help getting dinner?”

  “Maybe the wine?” She stepped to the kitchen, cursing the way they’d opened up the floor plan. She wanted to talk, but there was no chance since her father and Johannes’s annoying brother could see their lips move.

  He uncorked the wine without a word to her and took the bottle to the table while she placed the pork roast on the serving platter. He returned, facing her across the counter.

  “Don’t let Harm get to you.”

  She looked down at the roast and whispered, “I miss you.”

  “That’s the point, Miss me enough to come back home.”schatje.

  His words were the best Christmas gift she’d ever received. The time to figure out what this was between them, and what she could do about it, felt like the biggest blessing in the world.

  Dutch regaled them with fish stories, including one of a whale using the bottom of the boat to scratch its back.

  “I was there for that one, Dad.” Sass propped her chin on her hands, full of good food and warm emotions.

  “You were? You were. Oh, you were such a brave little thing, holding on to the rail and looking over the side.”

  “I had no idea it was dangerous until you told the story to Mom.”

  Dutch waved a weathered hand, tossing away the notion. “You were safe.”

  “Of course I was.” She cleared her throat and lifted the napkin from her lap. “Maybe when I come back I’ll bring her with me. She’d be amazed by the changes to the house.”

  Harm dropped his silverware to his plate with a clatter and pushed up from the table, moving it a couple inches. “I need a walk.”

  Good riddance. “When you hit the end of the pier, keep walking.”

  Harm spun around, a menacing glare to his eyes as he pointed at his brother. “Tell her now. Right now, or I will.”

  “Tell me what?” She stood, her heart fluttering in her chest like a caged bird.

  “Mannus, walk away.” Johannes got up and stepped towards his brother, their similarities showing in their dark demeanors.

  “You want to tell me she’s not a child, and yet you’re both playing some kind of game with her. You want me to respect her, you go first. Tell her the truth.”

  “It’s Christmas.”

  “You’ve had almost a week to tell her, and Dutch has had days. I thought you didn’t want her finding out from someone else.”

  “Tell me what?” Saskia stared at her father, his ruddy complexion now sallow and pale.

  “Boys, a minute alone with my daughter, please.” The normally gruff voice was thready and weak.

  Saskia sat back down and took her father’s hand. “Daddy, what’s wrong? What is he talking about?”

  The door slammed shut before he spoke. “I didn’t want you to know, to worry. But Harmannus is right, you’re not a child anymore. You’re a woman.” He reached out and took her hand, squeezing it as he continued. “A beautiful, successful woman.”

  “Daddy, you’re scaring me.”

  “I’ve lost everything. There was a storm, a devastating storm. It crippled the entire island. The house was destroyed, the boats were all gone. I’d invested everything in the Estate so I had nothing to rebuild with. I had to ask Sebastian for help, but he would rather I go back to Holland.”

  Her stomach knotted, her dinner sinking like lead in her belly. “That is how Johannes became your partner.”

  “He was always a good boy, but he grew into such a smart man. He’d just gotten divorced, and—”

  “Divorced?” That was need-to-know information right there.

  Dutch nodded and continued. “He calls us partners, though on paper I don’t think we are. He rebuilt everything, even this house. I couldn’t let the house go. I built it for your mother, and I needed it in case she ever came back.” He wiped a meaty paw across his eyes.

  “Dad, just ask her. Or go to her if there isn’t anything holding you here.”

  “She knows where I am, though now that she knows I’m ruined—”

  “You’re not ruined. You’re the same man you always were.”

  “To you, mijn kindje. When the Estate turns a profit, I should be able to pay Joe back. But until then, I have to stay and keep the business going. I owe him that.”

  She rose and stood behind her father, wrapping her arms around him. “I love you, maybe more now than ever before. I love you and I am so sorry that I was angry with you.”

  “This mess is why I haven’t visited. I didn’t have the money, and I didn’t want either of you to see me ruined like this. I didn’t want to have to explain my mistakes, not until after I’d recovered from them.”

  “I wish you would have told me, but we have to move forward.”

  He patted her arms. “I don’t deserve you, mijn kindje.”

  She kissed his head and stood, then made her way to the front door. The Prinsen brothers leaned on the porch rail, Johannes’s light eyes full of pity, Harm’s dark gaze mocking her. She stood before them, anger seething out of every pore.

  Before she could think better of it, her palm connected with Harm’s rough cheek, the sound echoing in her ears.

  “How dare you humiliate him that way. You should be ashamed of yourself. Who are you to decide what truths get told when? I
s your life so perfect you can stand that same scrutiny?”

  Harm held up his hands. “Hannes, control your woman.”

  Johannes stepped towards her but she pushed him away. “I do not belong to you, or anyone else.”

  “I didn’t say you did.”

  “You didn’t say much, did you? Not that you own this house or my father’s business or that you were married before. You think you can pick the truths you tell to make a prettier story.”

  “This was not my truth to tell. Dutch deserved to tell you himself.” He clenched his fist, pounding the air with every sentence. “I did not set out to deceive you.”

  “And yet you did. The biggest hurts are always the ones we didn’t mean to make.” She spread her damp palms on her crocheted skirt, the knots soothing her mind. She’d made those knots, she could control that much. “I know it’s your house, but I’d appreciate if you’d give my father and I these last few hours alone.”

  Harm grunted. “You are some piece of work.”

  Johannes pushed his brother’s shoulder and he stumbled down the stairs. “We need to talk about this.”

  “If I come back, we’ll talk then. Right now my father is all that matters to me.” She turned and made it into the house before her chin quivered, before the first tear fell.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Diesel smoke smothered the salt in the air as the ferry pulled away from the dock. Her heart squeezed as Anguilla slipped farther away, inch by unfinished inch.

  Merry fucking Christmas.

  She’d come home for advice, and instead was feeling lost and with more questions than ever. What she wouldn’t give to be on the lounge chair on the lanai at her condo, surrounded by copious amounts of yarn. Her mind worked better with her hands busy with crochet. Things felt so cluttered and tangled, but once she got a few knots in order, a few designs into patterns, things would be more clear.

  Or not. She felt the weight of a stare and her stomach tensed. There was no way Johannes could be standing behind her, and yet she felt him all the same. How long until that tethered feeling faded like shadows into night?

  She gripped the rail and stared down at the crystal-blue water, so much like the color of his eyes. She’d been so young and fanciful, believing a fairy tale was coming true just for her.

  And then reality had smacked her harder than she’d backhanded Harm. It was the only thing that had gone right today. She’d wanted to knock some manners into him for years. Heat swathed her back as if the sun had turned into a spotlight and she looked up the second before rough palms covered her hands, a large body wrapping behind her.

  And she didn’t even jump. How could her body know his so well in just the short time she’d been there? How could she know him this way, and yet have it be so very wrong? She blinked away the tears and swallowed down the emotion. She wanted to donkey kick him, elbow him in the ribs, make him hurt the way he’d hurt her. But she couldn’t. He all but owned her father.

  “Let go of me,” she managed to say without her voice shaking.

  “I don’t think I can.” The weight of his head pressed down on hers and he snaked one hand around her middle. The crisp scent of his cologne drifted in the wind around her.

  She waited, wanting him to have some kind of explanation for everything. But after three breaths, she felt her anger slipping. It was the only thing she had to hold on to to keep herself from falling into a messy, blubbering heap.

  “Let me go.” She stood as straight as she could, needing all the backbone she could muster.

  “I don’t want to.” But he did, releasing her though he didn’t step away.

  She turned and stepped to the side, leaning against the rail for support and swinging her bag in front of her for protection. She looked up at him, glad for the sun making her squint. She didn’t want to be taken in by his handsome face, not again.

  “I don’t like you leaving this way.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts, the same polo he’d worn to dinner their first night together stretched over his broad shoulders. At least he thought to put on a shirt.

  “I told you when I was leaving the day I arrived. Maybe you should have planned your brothers’ truth-telling a little better. You know, like telling me yourself instead of having it hit me like a brick wall.”

  A muscle twitched along his jaw. “I know you’re upset.”

  “I wonder why, Captain Obvious. Funny, I never would have guessed Harm was the honest Prinsen brother. You really pulled that one over on me.”

  “I never lied to you.”

  She looked from side to side. “I’m sorry, were you talking to me?”

  “You’re being a little dramatic about this.”

  Really. The next thing he’d say was that she was just PMSing. “I didn’t bring the drama. That was you. With me, what you see is what you get. You’re the one whose closet opened and skeletons came rushing out. But I can’t even tell you what I think you should do with your wife and predatory loans or being a man whore. Because my father owes you more money than I can pay back right now.”

  He furrowed his brow. “Man whore?”

  “Apparently, I’m just like every other tourist you’ve rutted around with over the last few years.” Her throat burned, her chest tightening to keep her heart from actually splitting in two.

  “You know, I’m thinking some time apart is a good idea so you can calm your ass down. You may not be raising your voice, but I can hear you screaming.” He ran a hand through his mussed hair. “When are you coming back?”

  “I don’t know that I am. I’ve asked Dutch to move to the States to be with me.”

  He had the audacity to roll his eyes. “He won’t do that.”

  “Why? Because he owes you so much money? Between the two of us, my mother and I will pay off whatever he owes you. See how fast this island turns on you without him here.”

  “He and I have an arrangement you obviously don’t understand. As soon as he gets a return on the investments he’s made on the Estate, I’m signing everything back over to him. He couldn’t afford to rebuild the fleet or make the repairs on the house after the storm, so I did. I’ve never for a second considered not returning things.”

  “And I am supposed to believe that because you say so? He is your employee. You tell him when to work and where to work. You’re the reason he hasn’t had enough time to see me in three years. He’s not young. Will you feel less guilty about taking everything if you kill him while he’s trying to earn it all back?”

  He held up both hands. “He’s as healthy as most men half his age, and he’s prideful. He wants to work. I get that. Maybe you don’t because you’re a woman.”

  “Oh, and since I’m not swinging my cock at every bikini who walks by there is no way I could possibly understand business. Maybe your sexist attitude is why things didn’t work out with your wife.”

  “I’ve been divorced for almost five years.”

  “Thanks for letting me know.”

  “She cheated on me.”

  He pinned her with an icy stare and her anger wilted. No one deserved that kind of betrayal. And how should she respond? A part of her still wanted to throttle him, and another wanted to wipe away the deceit he’d endured. But she didn’t have it in her to salve his wounds, not when hers were so fresh and caused by his duplicity.

  His hurt didn’t change that he’d gone out of his way to keep her in the dark about her father, about himself. Even if her sandcastle dreams hadn’t crumbled, she wasn’t in a place where she could drop everything on the chance things might work out. She had a contract to fulfill, people depending on her to deliver, not to mention both Holly and her mother would kick her butt if she let a man sway her from the goals she’d spent years striving for. Especially a man who hadn’t respected her enough to trust her with the truth. His own, or her father’s.

  He stared her down, but she refused to blink. The moisture welling in her eyes allowed her to hold his chilly gaze. It felt li
ke a lifetime, but must have been only moments of the twenty-minute ferry ride.

  A mechanical voice sputtered over the loudspeaker announcing the destination, continuing in handful of different languages.

  “Come back home.” Johannes held out his hand as if they hadn’t spent the trip arguing, his confused expression the only tell that he’d even heard anything she’d said.

  “I’m going home.” She hitched her bag higher on her shoulder and took the handle of her duffle. “As long as you own my father’s house, it will never be my home.”

  “Hannes, this thing is a total wreck.” Harm thunked his fist against the weathered hull of the dory, making his presence known in the workshop. “I’ve decided it is high time you stop moping and come with me to the Drum. The music has already started, drinks are flowing and I have four beauties on the line for us to reel in.”

  “Pass.” Joe ran his hand along the newly varnished oars of the dory he’d dedicated the last month to. No outboard motor needed on this girl.

  “Four, Hannes. I am all for multi-tasking, but three is my limit. Come take one or two off my hands.” Harm looked down the length of the twenty-footer and wrinkled his nose. Even after two years on the island, he’d yet to fall in love with sailing. Kite-boarding and surfing, sure. But open water had yet to call to him.

  Joe turned from the hull and stared at his brother’s tilted grin. He should be at least tempted to go. Good Lord, had Saskia broken his libido too?

  “How long is this going to go on? All you are interested in is manual labor. It’s like you’re punishing yourself for something. You did nothing wrong. Let Sassy and Dutch work out their own shit.” He crossed his arms over his bare chest, his words more menacing than his expression.

  “They have.” Joe turned back to his salvage project, testing the oars in their leather straps. Sass had teased about using a motor, but with the dory he wouldn’t have that option. “I’m thinking of going to New York.”

  Harm barked a laugh. “Why the hell would you do that? You want to check up on your ex-wife? Are you some kind of masochist?”